The thought of never knowing always seems to freak me out.

I hate having two parents, and not a single unit.
I mean, it's nice that they aren't in some sort of loveless trap, but holidays are the worst.
"What are you doing tomorrow, Ryan?"
Stop fucking asking me, Dad.
"Any plans tomorrow, son?"
Stop fucking asking me, Mom.

Two years ago when they split up, I prayed every night we could be a happy family again.
Now I'm not even sure who to pray to, let alone what to pray for.
Or what to prey on.

Both of my houses force me into anorexia, my Dads is stocked with food.
for babies.
My Moms is stocked with food.
for babies.
I love it here at my Dads house, privacy, a computer, my loverly sister and her boyfriend.
I love it at my Moms house, lot's of people, an awesome nephew and niece, people always over, the ability to just /leave/

So once again I'm asked "What are your plans tomorrow?" and this time I think I'll say "To find out what the hell one of my friend's family is doing and ask if I'm invited."

hm, I wonder if tomorrow is as good a time as any to tell everyone about the drugs...
No, no. I'll wait until after Vegas, maybe by then I'll have someone by my side, again, to help me let everyone know.

"As reluctant as I am to say goodbye, I'm going to have to say it eventually, good luck with J, I hope I can pick up a book by Chloe Evans and read it, one day"
"And I hope I can listen to an album by R(doll) Dilks and enjoy it, and read a book by Ryan T. Dilks."

Me and Chloe said goodbye today.
I'm crying.

I found my wallet today.
It was empty.

--Edit--

Chloe has a blog.
I'm following it, I recommend you do too.