Day35: Dead Man Walking

Please sing to me.
I can see you open up to breathe.
Fast words make it easier on me.
If the points to never disappoint you,
Somebody's got to tell me what to do.
Just wish you could've seen me
When it used to come so easy.
I'd like to say that it's easy to stay
but it's not for me.
I'm barely here at all...


I am Ryan Thomas Dilks, and I am a dead man walking. I am trying not to give up, but it seems so god damned easy. I am dying. I am.
Granted, we all are, but that's beside the point.
I'm dying too quick. A virgin. Hot. Naked. With IceCream in one hand, and a gun in the other. I am going out like this. I am going out tonight. Last night I did not dream, and I woke up afraid that I died in my sleep. Maybe I died in that swimming pool on monday night.
Jumping into the pool, maybe I slipped and hit my head, dying on contact.
And maybe now I am in hell.
But the Dodgers won last night.
And are about to win tonight.
Kathy's still my best friend.
And I'm eating ice cream.
So this can't be hell...

Heaven?
No.
I'm too bad a person.
Besides, heaven wouldn't be feeding me the flu.
And in heaven, I'd be visited by Grandma Mabel, telling me she loves me.

So I'm still alive.
I just wish I felt better.
I am Ryan Thomas Dilks.
and I am a dead man walking.

Slow down now, the secrets out
and I swear now, I can make this perfect.
What you want
What you need
has been killing me
try to be everything that you want me to be.
I'll say yes, I'll undress.
I've done more for less.
Now I'll change everything till it's perfect again.