Am I lost in your eyes?

I am sitting here, at the end of my rope.
The knot is tied, the gun is cocked and ready, the toaster is next to the tub, the pills in my hand.
I am thinking of doing all of them at once, but I do not know how to correctly kill myself.
Besides, who would show up to my funeral?
Who would dare look at the dead Ryan Thomas Dilks?
Who would have anything nice to say, but Best Friend?
Eddie would say: "All I knew about him were lies."
Armando would say: "He seemed too happy to kill himself"
Vlad would cry and say: "One last time, just for him... Who's the babe?"
Dannyboy would repeat after Vlad: "Who's the babe?"
My family would cry and cry.
Best Friend might cry, too.
I don't know.
But I do know that she'd talk the longest.
Because I'd ask her to.
I pull the rope from around my neck, I unplug the toaster, I put the gun away, and I put the pills back in the bottle.

I was about to die.
I was about to commit suicide.
It was attempts 14, 15, 16, and 17.
And I failed them all.

I was about to commit suicide because I forgot to thank you this afternoon.

(Of course I wasn't going to physically kill myself.
I mean it in a metaphorical, metaphysical sense.
Kill myself psychologically.)

I was about to commit suicide because I forgot to thank you this afternoon.
Because you were there and I never gave you any recognition.
So here it is.
Thank you.
I am sorry that I didn't tell you in person.
I wish we had rehearsal tomorrow so that I /could/ tell you in person.
But I'm a loser.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.

Also.
The only reason I haven't asked you on a date without betting for it is because I'm afraid of having my heart broken.
And you can't break my heart if I don't let you inside of it.
But I like you a lot.
A lot.
You're a sweet girl.
You like the right things.
Not to mention, you look like God.
Seeing as I imagine that (s)he is gorgeous.
I don't think that I want to let you into my heart, yet, though.
You handled my mind better than most.
And I think that right now, that's where I want to leave it.
I'm sorry, Censored.
But that's all I can do for now.
Maybe one day I'll let myself ask you out on a date.
But not yet.
Not now.