"'Don't go,' I guess is what I should have said, but instead I stayed silent and made a half-assed attempt as grabbing your elbow to turn you around. It didn't make a difference, though, since you turned around anyway and looked at me with a sort of plea for me to say something. Anything. But I didn't. I should have told you not to go. But instead I stayed silent. Anyway, you turned and looked at me and I just shut my eyes. And you turned back towards the door and walked out, I could already hear you starting to cry and it ruined my attempts at telling myself I was right and you were wrong. But I just drew a deep breath and shut the door. Before you made it onto the street I was already leaning on the door. I suppose it was more like sitting at the door, but I was still on my feet. And uh... And you stood there for a second. Hoping, I guess, that I'd open the door and say 'Don't go.' or that I'd say anything but that's unimportant, because I didn't open the door. And I didn't yell at you to stay. I didn't... I didn't...um... Didn't say anything. I just sat at the door and cried a little bit.
"And I guess if maybe I had said something, or grabbed you, or not opened the door for you to leave, or not shut it so quickly, or never... Never had fought with you that you'd still be here. Still be...Be right here. And instead of wandering out onto the sidewalk, I could have drove you. Or walked you. But that didn't happen and now it doesn't matter anyway. 'Cause... Everything happened the way it did and you crossed the street and he ran the red light and you... well... You aren't here.
"Do you remember how you always told me that I put too much blame on myself, when most things were beyond my control entirely? And that I always thought that when a fast food restaurant messed up our order it was because I wasn't, um... wasn't speaking clearly. And you would always do that thing where you played with my ear and say 'Ry it's okay... Things are gonna be fine.' And you would smile at me because I was letting too much effect me and you would say 'I'll just have lettuce on my burger.' and that would be that... They all think that this is one of those times. But I can't bring myself to believe that it wasn't all my fault, so I guess that should be a sign that it really is one of those times but oh well...
"I brought you that hat you liked, and my shirt... They're going to let me bury them with you. And a necklace. And I don't think that I'll ever have another girlfriend because I don't really think I'll be capable of loving someone else but if I do then I'm sorry..."
He took a pause and said a few more words.
"I think I'll be joining you soon."
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