I'm coming back.

I have never, more than at this moment, felt like I matter.
I guess it's the cheap, manufactured serenity of my life right now combined with the fact that I completely fail to grasp the fact that when I graduate, I will have no more plans and my life will essentially be over. I have no reason to do anything anymore, and this is a horrible feeling.
I'm graduating and it's scary.
I'm moving forward and I hate it.
I want to stay a little kid. I want my life to be... like it is now. It's so safe.
But in 30 days, my life will be done.
I will have no more plans, no more daily routines.
I'll be on my own with a girlfriend who loves me and a few close friends, but besides them I'll be myself.
Which is a concept I have a hard time getting used to, being myself.
Who would want to be themselves when you could always be someone else who doesn't suck nearly as bad?

But I guess I have to.
Everyone has to, and it's just my turn.
No more sitting here with the certainty that tomorrow I have school and I have to wake up and that's that.
I'll probably cry, I feel like you're supposed to cry at graduation, but I don't really think anyone ever cries because they mean it, I think they cry because they're supposed to, like at a wedding or a funeral.

Graduation is a funeral for your childhood years, that's why everyone dresses in black, probably. To celebrate the death of all the certainty in your life. After you leave school there's really only one thing thats certain, and it comes in the form of death. That's it. You will always die. Everyone has died. In fact, the majority of your time will be spent dead. 100% more people have died, than have lived forever.

You will die.
Everything dies.