Thats the worst call to get.

Is the one telling you that your friend has just killed herself.
And then saying that she had a suicide not that consisted of three words.
"DOES NOT HAPPEN"
-shudder-

Its breaking me apart.
knowing that I can't make it just, not happen.
Like she told me to.
I don't know why she would do it.
I have no idea.
But she knew...
she could have... I dunno.
Talked to me.
I don't get it.....
I just... want to go somewhere and...
not die... but, forget it all.
I have wonderful friends.
who are telling me that I'm a wonderful person.
and a wonderful artist.
and a wonderful... everything.
But, there are some times in my life.
Where I'm a horrendous person.
and i refuse to let anyone else see it.
I wish I was less insane.
I wish I was less.
I wish I was.
But.
Does.
Not.
Happen.


There are only two things in this world.
That which Happens.
and that which Does Not Happen.
nothing else.

,why do /I/ have to exist as me?
why can't I exist as something else.

.Ryan Thomas Dilks
The name just screams outrage.