Up to this point, I haven't been extremely honest with everyone.
I wasn't diagnosed as schizophrenic, but I do hear voices.
It was in 6th grade that I started shooting up, and by 9th grade, I was addicted to a lot of drugs.
Up until about a month ago, I was getting high daily, but my friends gave me an intervention, and I quit...
it hurts, but I quit.
The following is a paper i wrote today:
And it was through feeding my addiction that I realized that love is real, and Life is meaningful. The entire time, I knew I was killing myself, but that had ceased to matter. I was avoiding the pain, and even though my body was racked with voices that weren't mine and words I hadn't spoken, I felt better.
I kept feeling better, up until I lost all I had.
It was then that it stopped being an addiction, stemmed from a coping method, and turned into a suicide attempt, Death no longer even worried me. By that time I had lost all that was keeping me alive, I lost my girlfriend, my friends, I fought my family, My grades dropped, I lost money, But worst of all, I lost myself.
No longer were drugs a subject, or even a problem. I shot up in the boys bathroom, I stole pills from people, I did ecstasy and pot. I slowly died....
And the voices said what I was doing was the right thing... the voices still haven't left.... but that man, has.
Stay Free,
Ryan Dilks
No comments:
Post a Comment