Is the one telling you that your friend has just killed herself.
And then saying that she had a suicide not that consisted of three words.
"DOES NOT HAPPEN"
-shudder-
Its breaking me apart.
knowing that I can't make it just, not happen.
Like she told me to.
I don't know why she would do it.
I have no idea.
But she knew...
she could have... I dunno.
Talked to me.
I don't get it.....
I just... want to go somewhere and...
not die... but, forget it all.
I have wonderful friends.
who are telling me that I'm a wonderful person.
and a wonderful artist.
and a wonderful... everything.
But, there are some times in my life.
Where I'm a horrendous person.
and i refuse to let anyone else see it.
I wish I was less insane.
I wish I was less.
I wish I was.
But.
Does.
Not.
Happen.
There are only two things in this world.
That which Happens.
and that which Does Not Happen.
nothing else.
,why do /I/ have to exist as me?
why can't I exist as something else.
.Ryan Thomas Dilks
The name just screams outrage.
20090228
DAY SEVEN:lksjdvljk
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
No.
Does not happen.
Day seven: Bite down
I am failing.
I am flailing.
ouch.
Have you ever choked on your on words?
Have you ever been addicted to drugs?
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wished you weren't there?
I answered yes to all of those within the past 20 minutes.
I'm failing.
Failure is resistance.
I need.
To.
Be.
You.
,skliDsamohTnayR
I am flailing.
ouch.
Have you ever choked on your on words?
Have you ever been addicted to drugs?
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wished you weren't there?
I answered yes to all of those within the past 20 minutes.
I'm failing.
Failure is resistance.
I need.
To.
Be.
You.
,skliDsamohTnayR
20090225
clinic
next time you call yourself insane.
spend three years contemplating how to successfully kill everyone else on the planet.
not that it will make you insane.
not that it's something us crazies do.
just... try it.
,
what's my name again?
spend three years contemplating how to successfully kill everyone else on the planet.
not that it will make you insane.
not that it's something us crazies do.
just... try it.
,
what's my name again?
20090224
Day Six: Insanity is beautiful
I looked at my blog earlier and thought to myself.
I've created insanity.
I've single-handedly created a documenting of my downfall.
And every word drops me deeper into the depths of doom.
I've never heard someone tell me they love me and mean it.
Not until eleven days ago.
I've never know anyone who could hate me as much as I do .
Not until I started this.
And then I met Destiny.
Who I love.
And loved me.
And we mean it.
And then I met me.
Who hates me.
And I hate him.
And I mean it.
Resistance is failing.
Failing is resisting.
Resisting is changing.
Make a difference.
Make a stance.
Make a name.
Eat.
Sleep.
Fuck.
Flee.
(in four words thats me)
Do what you have to.
Just don't do it right.
Rise up.
Break down.
Lose, so that you may win.
, Ryan
ps. Dilks
I've created insanity.
I've single-handedly created a documenting of my downfall.
And every word drops me deeper into the depths of doom.
I've never heard someone tell me they love me and mean it.
Not until eleven days ago.
I've never know anyone who could hate me as much as I do .
Not until I started this.
And then I met Destiny.
Who I love.
And loved me.
And we mean it.
And then I met me.
Who hates me.
And I hate him.
And I mean it.
Resistance is failing.
Failing is resisting.
Resisting is changing.
Make a difference.
Make a stance.
Make a name.
Eat.
Sleep.
Fuck.
Flee.
(in four words thats me)
Do what you have to.
Just don't do it right.
Rise up.
Break down.
Lose, so that you may win.
, Ryan
ps. Dilks
20090222
day six Five: I think
As a philosopher I believe it is my job to never be certain.
Or maybe it's to always be certain.
I'm not certain.
I use the work Break alot.
Along with the word Drop.
Adapt.
I use a lot of words.
But not always like they're meant.
I say that my girlfriend, Destiny, Broke me.
I don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean it....
I'm not sure what it means, actually.
It just... does.
Fall.
Break.
Drop.
Adapt.
Live.
Survive.
Want.
Wait.
Hope.
Pray.
Die.
The above is the most important action we can ever hope to perform.
Living, we can have an impact on people.
But upon Dying, we leave people with whatever we've taught them.
Insane.
Read from the beginning if you opened me up to here.
Watch me fall apart.
,
Ryan
Thomas
Dilks.
Or maybe it's to always be certain.
I'm not certain.
I use the work Break alot.
Along with the word Drop.
Adapt.
I use a lot of words.
But not always like they're meant.
I say that my girlfriend, Destiny, Broke me.
I don't mean that in a bad way.
I mean it....
I'm not sure what it means, actually.
It just... does.
Fall.
Break.
Drop.
Adapt.
Live.
Survive.
Want.
Wait.
Hope.
Pray.
Die.
The above is the most important action we can ever hope to perform.
Living, we can have an impact on people.
But upon Dying, we leave people with whatever we've taught them.
Insane.
Read from the beginning if you opened me up to here.
Watch me fall apart.
,
Ryan
Thomas
Dilks.
20090220
Six days ago:
A new poem that I wrote earlier.
It's ingenious in that it is exactly what a highschooler thinks.
Six days ago
I would have told you that
_____
_____
_____
But now it's now.
So I won't.
(:
Anyway.
No matter who you were, you'd still be you.
Think about that when you wish that you were someone else.
We don't live in the present.
Because this is now the past and that was the future.
Stay calm,
RyanDilks.
ps. we do not live. we adapt.
It's ingenious in that it is exactly what a highschooler thinks.
Six days ago
I would have told you that
_____
_____
_____
But now it's now.
So I won't.
(:
Anyway.
No matter who you were, you'd still be you.
Think about that when you wish that you were someone else.
We don't live in the present.
Because this is now the past and that was the future.
Stay calm,
RyanDilks.
ps. we do not live. we adapt.
20090215
it's 1:46 am.
I can't sleep because my brain is running too fast.
Here are my thoughts.
What will heaven look like?
What will we look like when we get there?
Where were we before we were born?
What do you do when you realize that there is no heaven?
What if we're dead right now?
How do you know I exist?
jkfhshasf
jesus christ, shes killing me.
,RyanDilks
(Is running away to texas)
Here are my thoughts.
What will heaven look like?
What will we look like when we get there?
Where were we before we were born?
What do you do when you realize that there is no heaven?
What if we're dead right now?
How do you know I exist?
jkfhshasf
jesus christ, shes killing me.
,RyanDilks
(Is running away to texas)
20090214
If you seek pleasure in pain.
A couple nights ago I had to do something I never hoped I'd have to do.
I had to talk someone out of suicide.
-shudder-
god, I might never recover.
I had to talk someone out of suicide.
-shudder-
god, I might never recover.
20090204
Stephen King is right.
Stephanie Meyer is the absolute worst author I have ever heard of.
I admit, the books have a good story, but the way it's carried out is terrible.
She tries using obscure metaphors that make no sense.
And She created a mary-sue.
Bella.
Oh my god.
First of all, no person on earth is that perfect.
She has no flaws.
AND GIRLS SAY THEY /RELATE/ TO HER?
wtf?
sflkasjdlfjasdiujofn
That is all
oh, Stephen king isn't much better
I admit, the books have a good story, but the way it's carried out is terrible.
She tries using obscure metaphors that make no sense.
And She created a mary-sue.
Bella.
Oh my god.
First of all, no person on earth is that perfect.
She has no flaws.
AND GIRLS SAY THEY /RELATE/ TO HER?
wtf?
sflkasjdlfjasdiujofn
That is all
oh, Stephen king isn't much better
20090202
Day Four: You're so post modern.
Early on in the day (one in the morning) my post was going to be about taking control of your own life.
It stayed that way until fifth period.
In fifth period I got some startling information.
The kid I got in a fight with on Thursday wasn't in trouble.
In any way.
I got this info directly from Mr. Gilbert (The vice principal of discipline.)
They said that the baseball players (Except Christian) were talked to, and that I was said to be the aggressor.
That Christian was only trying to push me away from his brother.
I asked if he talked to my friends and he said no, that he couldn't trust my friends views because I was found to be the guilty party.
I was enraged.
I screamed at the top of my lungs, "I was the guilty party because you talked to them first?"
I was sent back to class.
The moral of this story is that words are bullshit.
Words destroy and create.
Words are love and hate.
Words are the lowest form of currency on the planet.
And yet, they're accepted as though they are made of platinum.
But at the same time they're thrown around like they are made of less-than-precious stones.
If we are going to believe what comes out of someones mouth then we are extremely ignorant.
A long time ago I learned that the only lies we should view as the truth are our own lies.
Take control of your own life.
Don't fall into the fading trends (Lies.)
Being yourself does not mean being different.
It means refusing to change who you are.
Because if you keep changing to stay out of style, you are just as fake as the people who change to stay in fashion.
God created us as individuals.
But somehow we've managed to turn ourselves into mental copies of the person beside us.
It's horrible.
Teachers aren't always good at what they teach.
And it's not even mistakes anymore.
It's no longer a requirement to know whats going on in your class, apparently.
My math teacher thought that D=√(x1-x2)2+(y1-y2)2
It stayed that way until fifth period.
In fifth period I got some startling information.
The kid I got in a fight with on Thursday wasn't in trouble.
In any way.
I got this info directly from Mr. Gilbert (The vice principal of discipline.)
They said that the baseball players (Except Christian) were talked to, and that I was said to be the aggressor.
That Christian was only trying to push me away from his brother.
I asked if he talked to my friends and he said no, that he couldn't trust my friends views because I was found to be the guilty party.
I was enraged.
I screamed at the top of my lungs, "I was the guilty party because you talked to them first?"
I was sent back to class.
The moral of this story is that words are bullshit.
Words destroy and create.
Words are love and hate.
Words are the lowest form of currency on the planet.
And yet, they're accepted as though they are made of platinum.
But at the same time they're thrown around like they are made of less-than-precious stones.
If we are going to believe what comes out of someones mouth then we are extremely ignorant.
A long time ago I learned that the only lies we should view as the truth are our own lies.
Take control of your own life.
Don't fall into the fading trends (Lies.)
Being yourself does not mean being different.
It means refusing to change who you are.
Because if you keep changing to stay out of style, you are just as fake as the people who change to stay in fashion.
God created us as individuals.
But somehow we've managed to turn ourselves into mental copies of the person beside us.
It's horrible.
Teachers aren't always good at what they teach.
And it's not even mistakes anymore.
It's no longer a requirement to know whats going on in your class, apparently.
My math teacher thought that D=√(x1-x2)2+(y1-y2)2
Is the same as D=√(x-x)2+(y-y)2
because it doesn't matter in what order you put the X's and Y's.
But The bottom problem would make both X's the same number, and both Y's the same number.
Then he tried to convince me that $0.002=¢0.002
Whatever though.
I'm signing off.
God is love,
Ryan Dilks
But The bottom problem would make both X's the same number, and both Y's the same number.
Then he tried to convince me that $0.002=¢0.002
Whatever though.
I'm signing off.
God is love,
Ryan Dilks
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