Day Two: the Thirty-Second Kennedy

Let's start on the day before.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of going to Disneyland for my nephews birthday, I always enjoy Disneyland but this time I enjoyed it even more.
I was lucky enough to see the show Fantasmic while I was there, and that is one of the coolest things I've ever seen.
It was a great mixture of sounds and imagery.
I got home, got ready for bed, and fell asleep.

This morning I wake up surprisingly easily, but my Dad (Still tired from the previous day) asked if I wanted to stay home.
I thought about it, but shook my head and headed into what would turn out to be a horrible day.
It all started before school actually began, inside the quad area.
I was standing with my friends, talking about God-knows-what when I get an extremely sharp pain in the back of my head.
I started to cry immediately.
It was a horrible headache.
After it wears down a bit I look over at my ex-girlfriend.
I understand that what she talks about is none of my business but I overheard her and her friends talking about me.
And it wasn't the normal smack-talking that I enjoy having circulate about me.
It was different.
Way different.
So I go into first period slightly angry and still in pain.
I do my work to the best of my ability and pay as close attention as I can to the prologue of Antigone (even though my brain drifted way out after Ismene told Antigone to do what she wants) and leave when the bell rings.
Boom, second period.
We got new seating charts yesterday, and I now sit in a group with another Ryan.
The problem is that me and this Ryan have never gotten along.
And listening to him talk the whole period while I'm trying to figure out why the distance formula will ever matter to me in the future is tearing my brain apart.
So I tune him out and work out the 10 problems that were assigned to me.
Boom, Science.
That's my third period.
Mister Laberrere.
Or something. (:
An easy class, easy teacher, but claustrophobic workspace.
His classroom makes me depressed.
It seems so dark and feels so tight.
I hate it.
And every second I'm not working, I'm thinking.
About everything.
About this morning, where Shelby was saying some hurtful things.
About the fact that the sub we would have during band would be Ricardo (the drum coach) who had made racist comments to me.
And about the fact that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make my headache subside.
Fourth Period band.
Ricardo.
I didn't play.
Instead I sat there with a pen and a paper, arranging words.
The words turned into a song.

Spoken:"I showed up in black.
They led me to the back.
I told them to be honest with you.
They screamed in my ear,
said I don't really care.
And proceeded to tear us in two.
And I'm swallowing my final pill,
I'm just here to make this surreal.
I just want you to know how I feel.
cause mother I swear....
I'm dressed to thrill."

Sung:
I showed up in black.
They led me to the back.
I told them to be honest with you.
They screamed in my ear,
said I don't really care.
And proceeded to tear us in two.
And I'm swallowing my final pill,
I'm just here to make this surreal.
I just want you to know how I feel.
cause mother I swear....

Chorus:
I need you know less than ever before.
I open the windows, and lock all the doors,
I want you to hate me, I want you to smile
I want you to just play dead for a while.

I loved you, to death.
I stole your final breath.
I need you to cry, out for you.
i want you to smile
I want you to smile
I need you to cry out for you.
Iwant you to know, just how good I feel.
Cause mother i promise you, I'm dressed to kill.

Chorusx2


Spoken:
I need you to hate me with every fiber of your being.
I need you.
I need you.

I'm not sure what it meant.
I just know that I like it.
About this time in the day I'm getting extremely dizzy.
And hearing Ricardo ask me why I'm not playing is only aggravating me more.
The bell rings before I have a chance to not answer.
The rest of the school day was pretty smooth.
And my day outside of school has been easy too.


The title of this post, The Thirty-Second Kennedy relates to something my cousin wrote a while back.
It was about the future, and took place during the term of the Thirty-second Kennedy.
The story was based on the idea that in the future the world is one nation.
The nation was run by a single leader, and in this case the leader was incompetent.
Yet he led the world into the greatest revolution in history.


Topics;

I said that I enjoy having people talk smack about me.
Yeah, that's because I enjoy having my name said.
Love me or hate me, you still know my name.
This normally leads to drama.
My life runs on pure drama.
And if drama doesn't start here, it finds its way

Language.
You give off signals no matter what you do.
You can make the slightest movement and someone will pick it up and register it as a feeling.
I simply lift a finger, and you read that motion as uncertainty.
You can say something as simple as "Hello." and you could have said a paragraph.
If normally you say "Hi." it could mean that you are feeling hostile about something.
Even your tone of voice can change what you mean.

Do you want to know the worst part of being insane?
That people tend to think it's contagious.
People avoid me like a leper.
For some reason they think that I could go off on a murderous rampage at any minute.
Like I'm so mentally unstable that I enjoy the smell of blood.
Or something.
In all honesty, I think that associating with an insane person is better for you.
I'm not sure how though.

Well now, I'm off to avoid dying, continue breathing, try living, and stop breaking.

God is love,
Ryan Dilks.


ps. I think that if you spin around counterclockwise really fast you can go back in time probably.

pps. It's called community service in graduation requirements too.